15.7.16

I Hate Being Alone




Do you remember me saying a while ago 'Ooohhh look at me I've got so much free time, blah blah blah, wait a minute whilst I get my banana bread out of the oven...' Yeah, me too. Ever since this post, where I was peachy and readily boastful about all the spare time I had found since finishing teacher training, I have gone through a series of feelings registering from jubilation to boredom to downright loneliness. Some people are fine with their own company, but I can only do an afternoon before I want to call someone and scream 'LOVE ME!!!!' down the phone.



I'm going to try and break it down but keep it lighthearted so that I don't end up crawling along the floor  in order to make friends with the woodlouse. I cannot guarantee that won't happen regardless.

 You start with ALL the life admin


'I'm so pleased I have so much time off - I can catch up with all of those things I've put off for ages.' She says optimistically. Guaranteed, you'll put this off until Day 3 of being home alone and one season of Pretty Little Liars, then after you've had a meeting at the bank, demoulded the bathroom, stitched all the holes up in your clothes, polished your shoes, baked a bazillion cakes, weeded the garden, had the bike serviced, made a doctors appointment and sorted the letter rack out, you will quite literally be crawling the walls for something to do. Yes, you've done life admin, but do you have a life? No. No you don't. 

None of your friends want to play with you


My timings this summer are all over the place with a family holiday (that I'm very much looking forward to) smack bang in the middle, between an induction day up North and the actual move up North in mid-August. This has left me with three weeks to fill that I assumed would be the social highlight of my life. Turns out that people are too busy adulting. Like some kind of responsible cohort of twenty four year olds. How dare they.

Me: Hey - do you want to have a picnic/go foraging/play in the park with me this week?
Friend 1: I have a job?
Me: EURGGHHHHHHHHHH

Of course I'm thrilled that you're going out there and winning at that whole employment thing, but PLEASE GIVE ME A SENSE OF PURPOSE TO MY DAY.

No work = no money and turns out that isn't so fun

 

I am SO excited about starting my new job. I cannot wait. The only thing is that it doesn't start until September, which also means that my first pay check isn't until the end of September. 'I'll be fine!' She says. 'There's so much to do in London that's free!' Sure, past Abi, that may be true, but remember that first point you made? About hating being alone? Yep, museums and galleries are great to wander around in with a buddy or if it's a welcome salvation of alone time between busy weekday hours, but at this point, you have to be reasonable. You're only going to go to the National Gallery in the hope that a security attendant feels obliged to talk to you... Also, there's nothing more sad than taking a lonely packed lunch to eat on the steps of Trafalgar Square. Don't do it to yourself!

You slowly slip into housewifedom


House wifing is hard, and I didn't even realise I was doing it. Back when I was working and getting up suuuuuuper early, me and my chap still managed to get the washing done, do dinner, the washing up and not get too stressed about it all because, hey, we got jobs to do. But now? I'm so concerned with being 'lazy' and not having a 'lazy day' that I fill all my time up with 'productive' things. I've ironed stuff like doesn't need to be ironed. Like socks. I washed all the blankets. I have dinner planned for a specific time and if that time isn't met I'm like 'MY DAY HAS FALLEN APART OH GOD.' I'm now really concerned about smells in the house?! And 'airing rooms'?! What has happened to me?! Joe went to Byron for a 'work lunch' the other day and I swear my envy leaked out through my eyes. 

You get over yourself and realise that to complain about not filling each day is absurd


It is tough being in London with very little money and little to do. I wish I could jump in a car and pop round my parents for tea but I can't do that at the moment. I can't take my laptop to a cafe to blog or write because the monitor is broken. I can't gallivant around buying macarons from Selfridges or brunching at Brickwood mid-week, because £££. I do, however, have some will power - just some - to set tasks for myself and use my time in a way that I'll look back on to think 'Yep - made the most of that.' What will that be? Writing? Prepping for September? Organising the flat? A bit of all three? Hmm. I think I'll start with Stage. 1. Stop feeling sorry for myself and get my arse into gear.


What do you do when you've got no agenda and lots of time? Do you have any advice for me? The meaner the better!

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